Sunday, May 22, 2011

Kreayshawn a.k.a Lady Sovereign



I will admit that when B Powders posted the video of THIS thing I really didn't know what to think.

I had heard about her before, but just could not really wrap my mind around how it was possible for an escaped cancer patient with door knockers and turrrrrrible tattoos to manage getting someone to not only allow her to rap, but to also film said thing rapping.

After the first 30 seconds I kind of had an epiphany.

It hit me slowly......

This bitch is America's Lady Sovereign!

Boom.




Qualifications:

- Small ugly ass white bitch that has the body of a 12 year old boy
- Lesbian (not hating just saying it terms of more marketing)
- Hangs out with black dudes for marketing purpose
* they of course hang out with her for free weed and the bonus proximity to other retarded white bitches
- Provocateur i.e gets credit for just doing something not common i.e being a female, small, white, and rapping
- No actual musicality i.e unable to sing, produce, play an instrument, dance to the beat, and in this case even rap

What we have here is a very easy punching bag my friends.

But wait, you might say "TheFader premiered her video so she must have some validity. Right?"

Riggety wrong mother fuckers.

Shit.

I had TheFader premiere a mixtape way back WHEN and I do not rap, sing, make beats, or even fucking know how to use a cross fader.


It even puts her picture next to my old ass shit.

The headline reads "....OddFuture guys agree"

What? Because one of the dudes in OddFuture smoked weed in her video this bitch gets a co-sign?

First, off like I said from the get go. Two dudes in OddFuture can rap. That's it. Two. The rest are U-God type skill levels and even that is a compliment. Also whichever dude from OF was in that shit *notice I can't even recognize dude's face cause he is that unpopular, what did that guy even have to cancel to be a part of that film "shoot"?

Did he have to cancel his big plans of "not doing a god dam thing?"

He had to cancel hanging out at The Hundreds store and signing shook ass Asian dude's snap backs? * I only say shook cause if you're Asian and from Anaheim and unfamiliar with soft ass black dudes from L.A you might be shook.

How you gonna use someone who just started getting popular as a way to credit someone who also is not fully popular?

That is like casting Steven Baldwin and replacing him with Billy Baldwin. The result is the same. You can't validate one with the other.

But I am digressing....

So Lady Sovereign 2 or whatever we are going to call her is somewhat fascinating if you don't know any better. I bet you this chick has "performed" all of two shows. The internet allows music to get to people instantly, but what most people forget is that it allows an act to not actually have to perform live. I would guess that her "shows" were no more than her doing 3 songs and the crowd was a bunch of her friends and some frozen yogurt quality soft ass hipster dudes.

If you're a girl and white it is not rocket science that you can sort of get a hood pass. It's not guaranteed, but once said bitch figures out that most real residents in the hood are not gonna put hands on a white bitch because that is like instant get sent to prison status said white bitch can sort of walk around a city full of Supermans with an ass full of kryptonite.

I mean that shit is basic ass knowledge. How many times have you seen a chick get buck on a dude at the bar and say some shit like "Oh what are you gonna do motherfucker hit me? Go on and hit me pussy." They posture and pose and get super loud because they know deep down that there chance of getting socked in their snotbox is pretty slim.

There are exceptions like THIS

But again, it is basic ass knowledge.

So her repping "The Town" a.k.a Oakland holds about as much weight as Trump's presidential bid.

So she knows a bunch of Bay Area kids that get stoned and do dumb shit. So does ANYONE that lives in The Bay.

Once this bitch gets her 15 minutes I bet you infinity dollars that she gets punked out tough on some behind closed doors shit. Hanging with people that are hard does not make you yourself hard.


Allow me to gaze into my crystal ball of retardedness of the future to tell you what happens to Kreayshawnda

Predictions:

- She will become more popular
- She will play Coachella next year
- She will do some sort of collab with some sort of unimportant streetwear brand
- Her marketing team will figure out a way to hide that she possess no actual talent
- Some dumb famous music artist will have her featured on a song because their prospective career is failing
- She will most likely get punched or have a bottle thrown at her
- The Urban Outfitters where she worked will have hired a new sales person
- After her 15 minutes of fame run out she will probably enter a rehab or have an intervention where she will re-emerge as her true-self "Lindsey Anderson" and get hired as a notary stamper

As with anything I post on here I could be wrong, but history seems to be on my side with this one.

19 comments:

  1. tellin it like it is!!! shit is straight garbage!! laughed my ass off the part about shook hypebeast asians at hundreds too fucking true!!!!

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  2. zing. keep it up

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  3. fuckin awesome, but i think the dude at fader is also makeing fun of her, but he's tryna be subtle..
    "but just one look at Kreayshawn’s pink-balloon mouse headband makes it clear she’s inventing this space for herself."
    but who knows im a foreigner..
    she's tryna sound like MIA and dresses like a fookin' chav...can't get much worse then that

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  4. It's like you reached inside my brain and wrote a blog post with all of my brain matter. Thank you kind sir.

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  5. Real talk bruh.

    How has Platform not put this strong post up? Or is Bob's soft out of touch arse not putting it up because he co-signs the Kreayshawn movement?

    If your reading this Bob, stop fucking with Kreayshawn, any members of Odd Future that 't that Earl bro and Die Antwoord.

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  6. Left Brain's actually the back bone and producer for most of Odd Futures tracks. You mad she's bout to get her fifteen minutes of fame while you're getting your 70 words per minute blogging? haaaaaaa

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  7. Oh word, Anonymous?

    I'm mad?

    You = Captain Save-A-Ho

    Here's a helpful tip when trolling and commenting on small time blogs like SDTW.

    If you're gonna name drop your boy it helps that said name you drop is someone that IS known.

    No one knows who you're talking about.

    And yes, this is blog. Thus I am a blogger.

    So thank you for pointing out that basic ass concept.

    Sorry if I made fun of your producer boyfriend.

    I am not trying to cause a riff between you two.

    Warmest Regards,

    -SDTW

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  8. I liked this post...you may not be right in the end, but recent pop music history(and let's not get it twisted, "indie" anything doesn't exist anymore, if it's online, it's pop music) proves that most of your predictions will be correct. She WILL play Coachella(The music festival for rich entry-level alts and fake bitches) and she will collab with a super famous artist who doesn't appeal to the kids anymore(my guess is nicki minaj or snoop dogg)

    How did you get this shit on platform? They ride OF dick.

    What qualifies as real ass hoods? Harlem? The projects of Baltimore? The projects of NOLA?

    Nailed that shit about the white girls and Asian boys too. Every white girl that every walked through my housing project always had their heads up WAAAAY too high. And every Asian kid I meet wants to be my friend b/c they think I'm hood(morons) and they want to impress their other Asian friends. damn this post was long

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  9. this is why my idea of "making it" isnt the same as it used to be...

    gimmicking ways to fame and fortune should not count as a "break"...

    the game is done.

    time for a new one.

    -88:88

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  10. STDW -

    She's a video editor, and she's actually pretty good at it.

    & Gucci Gucci fucking slaps.

    I enjoy her.

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  11. ^i'm gonna ride with this dude until i hear more. Been feeling her videos for a minute and even like her stupid BASED IN THE ACURA http://vimeo.com/12011249

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  12. I'm really glad you two are both following your hearts on this one and listening to music that speaks to your soul.

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  13. you just sound like a hater, shes gonna be making more money than your faggotblogging ass in a year,

    and yeah, leftbrain is making beats for all of OF and damn nice ones also

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  14. in on usual oddfuture/supreme faggot/hipster hype

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  15. @ SDTW Speaking to my soul isn't the requisite I hold all music that I listen to up to.
    Your blog doesn't speak to my soul either but I find it entertaining.

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  16. IF YOU NIGGAS COSIGN THIS SHIT YOU WEARING A MINNIE MOUSE HEADBAND RIGHT NOW B.

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  17. This bitch just signed a million dollar record deal!!

    http://www.complex.com/music/2011/05/kreayshawn-signs-1-million-record-deal-with-sony

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  18. I was right about the snoop co-sign....GET IT!!

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