Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Chick Rap and Bytches With Problems
I have never really co-signed chick rap. It's not because I'm a sexist pig, it's just that woman can't do EVERYTHING as well as men can.
Well that's not entirely true. Women can do everything as well as men can except for two things: rap and basketball. Fact.
Before you get all butt hurt do this little experiment and then tell me I'm wrong:
Hand a basketball to a 6ft 8" chick and ask her to slam dunk it. Now do the same to a man of the same height. Case closed. (Of course this scenario would exclude Asians with Yao Ming being an obvious exception)
Rapping is typically a rhymed version of pre-meditated bragging more or less. The idea is that the emcee is doing their best to convince you that they are capable of performing whatever it is he/she says in their rhymes whether it is in the past, present, or future tense. To be fair most rappers are full of sh*t, but it is even more apparent when the orator is a woman.
Women are at a disadvantage from the get go when it comes to rap. They can only go so far before they have to either lie and say they can best males both lyrically and physically or they choose to go the "head wrap" route and talk about being an "empress", eating vegetarian food, or usually end dating either Common or Andre 3000 depending on who's career they're trying to f*ck up at the time.
Now the third option and the best one in my modest opinion is to go the foul-mouthed girl from around the way turnt' she pimp route. This style was probably best championed by Lil' Kim and Trina, but there were many women before them who helped pave the way for legitimate female rap.
One such group was BWP a.k.a Bytches With Problems.
Lynda and Tanisha pretty much cover all the bases needed to make successful chick rap: making dudes give them head, emasculating men by downplaying their lack of sexual prowess, calling other women bitches (ironically), and carrying straps.
Their opus and unfortunately their only album "The Bytches" went gold, but you still probably never heard of them because well....they're busted looking. They look exactly like a Lynda and a Tanisha. The final ingredient needed to really get money as a chick rapper is to dress like a stripper.
Every knows Lil Kim, but few of you can recall Rah Digga, Bahamadia, Lady Bug, Lady of Rage, and whoever that chick was in Arrested Development.
Why? Simple. They didn't get naked.
In short, if you're a woman and want to rap please remember to stick to the formula:
- Nasty raps
- Gaudy jewelry
- Skeezy outfits/get naked
- And have a splash of just plain crazy in there for good measure
And for your listening pleasure....
BWP "The Bytches"