SDTW Shurt Feelings #9

Let's do this...

It works like so:

Pick a shirt and describe how amazing it is.

Jacque Cousteau? Jacque fucking Cousteau homie? I think we should just proceed to the next shirt before everyone starts having an anger induced stroke.

You can either be into gothic trap rap or sports, but you can't be into both. That's a rule, right? I think it's a rule.

Here's the deal with Basquiat. People try and over think the shit, but I'll break it down for you right here. If you like injecting HIV positive syringes of heroin into your dick vein THEN you'll probably think Basquiat is tight.

Always watch your back, because you never know if a light skinnded bearded hipster is behind you trying to sad face you to death with his scary talky t-shirt.

There is nothing overtly terrible about this shirt, but this dude is just asking for it. The mother fucker looks like a Brayden. Does that face not scream "my name is Brayden and I almost got arrested for wheat pasting this one time?"

SDTW Shurt Feelings #8

In an effort to appease the SDTW audience here is a new Shurt Feelings for your reading pleasure. It's simple really.

Find a shirt that speaks to the soul and then describe the visual poetry that it is. Let's go...

Oh thanks guys. I didn't know it was R.T.G.T.B.N.C.T.F.N.F.R "Ruin Two Good Things By Needlessly Combining Them For No Fucking Reason" day. I forgot to mark it on my calendar.

Golden State Heavy weights eh? Heavy and Weight <-----these are the words I want you to read over a few times and then get back to me.

Oh word? And what industry exactly is it that we are "anti"? Clothing industry? Type Setting industry?

Checking to see if your pussy is still there is a everyday thang. Excuse me you had it right "an everyday thang" since I forgot the "an" because everyday begins with a vowel. We won't go into the whole "thing" and "thang" issue.

I feel like this type of shirt makes the Shurt Feelings every time. I just can't really understand the whole "hearting" or in this case "weeding"? things. Why is this a thing? You weed kush? Great. Just great.

Why not say something with more shock value like "College Was Not A Viable Option For Me Because I Got Expelled From High School For Selling My Aunt's Oxy Pills And Now I DJ Weekends At A Bowling Alley"? Someone mock that up for me. Thanks.

SDTW Shurt Feelings #6

Tuck Fuesdays son.

It goes:

Pick t shirt. Explain how cool it is.

Explain to me why this is a thing?

The fuck is wrong with your brain. Let me get this straight so this graphic is a hot chick in sunglasses who is in a strip club (indoors with sunglasses on mind you) staring at some other loser chick stripping and you're watching her watch the stripper? Am I missing something? Oh and b tee dubs, cute v-neck bro! You totally don't look like you're in heavy rape mode or anything.

I debated with myself on picking this one because for it to work you have to admit that you know what Mac Miller is. I in fact, know what it is. Congrats guys, you've made me want to kill myself now.

This shirt is fucking sickey sickersons. It's like a Slayer tee, but instead it says PLAYER. I guess that's one of the perks of being an assistant manager at Hot Topic. You get first dibs on anything that is awesome and will help you get a crazy unsatisfactory hand job from the new girl cause you told her you could buy her and her high school friends 4Lokos after you get off your shift.

Did you not read your own shirt? Everybody eats! That means eat you too, plehbwoy. It says you, yes you, are allowed to eat. Go get a sandwich b. Treat yourself to something other than Coke Zero for once. You have the shirt's blessing.

This is not a phrase.

For more amazing graphic tees go to KARMALOOP

SDTW Shurt Feelings #5

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SDTW Graphic Tee Review

You are what you like.

More or less.

However, you can also be what you DON'T like.

Case in point.

The following is a review of found t shirt designs on Karmaloop

I like to sort of gauge the barometer of the t shirt design market every year or so. It's fun. I mean in the end I really don't care "how another God dresses they temple" but that doesn't mean first impressions don't count.

Enjoy

This is a San Francisco Giant's logo.

Not the 12" cover for Eazy E's (Dre and Snoop diss) "Real Mother Fuckin G's". How does this even make sense? Eazy E repped LA and the Dodger's biggest rivals are in fact the Giants so without going all your Uncle that does nothing but drink and watch sports I feel that is just one of of many major conflicts of interests with this non sense.

Taking the homie Top Cat and coloring him in (poorly btw) does not make you a designer.

Most females that are into the bondage thing frequent gothic/industrial clubs and don't really hang in the back seat of your 94' Nissan Sentra so you're gonna have a harder time finding a chick to do the bondage thing. Just saying homie.

You are more likely to cause a seizure then drama. Also causing drama does not implicitly make you a criminal. Without proper context this could mean that you caused drama by cutting off Jah Derrick during his poetry slam when it was clearly his turn.

Cocaine is not expensive. Caviar is something that you most likely have never tried (myself included.) You probably think Caviar is some type of expensive car. Is this supposed to be clever because they both start with the letter "C"? I can offer up some c-words that might be more appropriate.

I can think of zero things that are worse than this.

Designer at 4 Star: "Oh shit, that design is due tomorrow? Fuck, fuck, fuck, oh wait never mind I will send this turd into production."

Problem solved.

Phew.

Why don't you just draw a picture of Blake Griffin's dick grab a cowboy rope and ride that shit? Oh you would rather just mix a bunch of logos to spell dude's name because you want people to know that you know how to fucking spell.

No you weren't. You were born to smoke resin loads out of bubbler.

The brokest dude in the club is ALWAYS not sometimes or usually I fucking mean ALWAYS the dude with this shirt on. If they are wearing a t-shirt that says "grinding" "hustlin" "cheddar" or "stacking g's" it goes without saying that they are simply waiting for someone to go outside for a smoke break so they can snake there half finished drink.

You heart your J's? I think what you heart is "not getting pussy" because that shirt you wearing is like silk screened pussy repellent. In 20 years they are gonna start having Comic Con and Sneaker Shows in the same convention centers to save themselves the hassle of throwing two separate conventions for the same group of virgins.

Purple Rain came out in 1984. So for it to have had a profound effect on someone's formative years (say from the age of 10 - 20) that would make said person who understood this fucking retarded weed reference no younger than 37 years old.

So....the problem I see with that is that if you are 37 years old and still think weed logo t shirts are what's up well, fuck I can't even really go into that issue.

Another fucking Raider's logo spoof. Well what can I really say about this that hasn't already been said about Bin Laden. Leave the Raiders logo alone. The best version of this logo I have ever seen was the one for the Oakland Raiders football team.