Friday, July 8, 2011

Putting Lipstick On A Pig


I'm gettin' real tired of tumblr mufuckas trying to gas up these 5 out of 10 ho's just cause they pose in front of a DSLR camera and have some budget ass tattoos.

I bet as soon as the "photoshoot" is done the simp ass camera dude takes that bitch out to P.F Changs and let's her order some shrimp or some shit.

At what point did we decide that tattoos on a chick made her a model?

I didn't sign off on that shit. I know a dressed up 4 when I see one.

First off...

Look at this smilin' ass retard.

The fuck is the point of this shit? What, just cause you got some color drawings on your skin that means I will automatically bypass the fact that you're a 5 tops and that I will now be able to tolerate listening to how your life changed after your first My Chemical Romance concert?

Walk into a wall made of knives bitch.

You have been gassed up with Supreme plus Techron (shouts to Chevron)

These chicks all say the same shit:

"Bettie Page is my idol."

Oh word? Here's the problem with that.

1.) Bettie Page had a decent little body for a bitch born in black and white times.
2.) She didn't have ANY tattoos.

If she's your idol you should strive to match her caloric intake not cover up your muffin top with a tattoo of a Maui sunset.

Has anyone told this bird that her Dad hates her. Like he may be cool to her face and all that, but as soon as she walks away that dude dis-owns her entire existence in his mind. 100% factual.

This 'tarded ass ho just wants attention. It's like she found a way to advertise being a dumbass. Let's see what she's got here....

We got a faded stomach Ohm that turned out "super sick". She's got some real tight script that is probably some quote from a Joan Jett song or from the movie "Mean Girls".

She has the biggest ear plugs I think I have ever seen. Those things are a discussion unto themselves.

The dead give away that she is beat in real life is the gang of eye shadow she's caked on. That shit means she is for sure busted in the a.m and will be a regret the next morning if you smashed her Lollapalooza ass out the night before.

At any rate, I don't think chicks should not get tattoos. I mean they can, but if you have a banging body what's the point? It's like adding racing stripes to a Ferrari. You don't really need to.

If you are a chick and are debating about getting some tattoos here is a general guideline that should help you not look like a Reno whore.

- No chest pieces (as in never not ever)
Your titties are like flesh bags of gold. Do not ruin them with some song lyrics, flowers, Dio De Los Muertos crap or anything at all. Titties are timeless. Nice titties will NEVER get played out.

No hands, neck or behind the ear tattoos

Yup, unless you're a blackjack dealer at an Indian casino that shit will look suspect. Any of those are for sure parent problems as well. I don't care if you go to India for your study abroad. Don't be putting no Ohm symbol behind your ear like you're all of sudden on some deep shit.

The rest is fair game as long as it is within reason.

And to the dudes that being trying to post these chicks up on the net like they are worth looking at. Stop that shit. If you were getting chicks in real life and not being king of the nets you'd know how to spot a C minus bird with tattoos.

Happy Friday.


  1. That first picture sums it up quite well. Nice rant, good read

  2. too true.I tend to go to bars where young chicks are tatted to no end and I initially always am attracted to them from afar, but as soon as I go up close, shit is busted city...and if she is hot, she is mental

  3. Please discuss Ear Plugs and Stretched ears... would be a good read


    barely legal and she's fucked shit up for the rest of her life

  5. I wish I had those guidelines 6 years ago!

  6. Yeah this can all be said for lame ass dudes that cover themselves in tattoos to pull chicks, or at least give the illusion that they're in a band or some shit. Its like the easiest trick in the book. Oh, you're not really a tattooer or a rockstar? Nah, You just bag my groceries @ whole foods and occasionally barback at whatever "cool" bar in your city. TITE!... NOT! The reality is that tattoos are no longer some sign of badassness. Every dipshit has neck/hand/face tattoos. Yup, even the ones that complain about their female counterparts. These guys are major optical illusions. Bad assess? Hardly. At most just a fixed gear riding,macchiato sipping faggot that "hangs out" with tattooers not really doing much, because well...they don't actually tattoo, its just cooler to name drop to chicks with all the shitty tattoos later on at yer job. So chill, on this girls w/ tattoo bashing. we can all agree on "cam girls" and gods girls being generic as fuck, but it works both ways vato. But you knew that already.

  7. Yet dicks get sucked and pussy's get fucked. who give's a shit.