Friday, January 13, 2012

SDTW Lookbooks Are For Assholes (Jessica Clark)

Many moons ago some Aussie folks asked me to pontificate if you will on this Jessica Clark chick. All I knew at the time was that she was Australian and had face tattoos. I chose not to post about her because I thought it was a mere fart in the ever changing winds of the internet. I assumed she was something that would pass shortly. She didn't.

Fast forward a whole year later and now she is very famous for ahem.....drum roll please.......having face tattoos. That's it. Not having face tattoos and being a great writer or fashion wunderkind. Nope. Just for taking pictures of herself with her face tattoos and wearing streetwear hats and t shirts. That's it.

This made her social media very popular apparently and she has used this popularity not to make money, but to get free American snapbacks and hoodies and more face tattoos.

Cue this:

(breathes deeply)

She is so "infamous" now that o.g triple oh geez The Hundreds made her a model in their look book.

Let's go to scoreboard Tom!

Things That My Terrible Face Tattoos Got Me:

- Internet hype
- Loads of snack backs, mate
- A free trip to L.A (not really a thing)
- No possible way of getting a proper job at all
- A "modeling" job in a look book

That all sounds like the best trade ever.

I'm not mad at her or The Pennies.

They didn't reblog her a bagillion times. Well, I'm sure she re-blogged her own vain cell phone portraits until they went viral, but AFTER that the blame goes to all of the 17 year old retarded girls from all over the world that think rap music is real and that tattoos are some weird sort of female empowerment.

It would be short sighted to just rip on her and the whole nine. What's that gonna do? We tried that with Kreayshawn and look how that turned out. Still here, still bumming you out, DAILY.

Why do kids think this shit is cool? Seriously? Someone please email, tweet, shout at me on the street why this is something that is fashionable, relevant, trending, good or anything of value.

I'm just spit wadding here but I'm going to attempt to guess what her face tattoos mean:

- Phoenix

Probably her kid's name. Nothing says Mommy loves you like a face tattoo that prevents her from getting a normal job. I've never tried feeding my kid a snapback or a hoodie. Maybe I'm missing the train on that one.

- Sepitedal? Sepidermal?

I can't even read that one. Always good when you can't actually read the script. Also it's a really good idea to let some "bogan" from Queensland who has been tattooing for all of 2 1/2 years zap your face with illegible script. Shot in the dark, but I'm guessing that word is Latin for something deep and profound?

The problem with Latin script tattoos is that it basically means you're a HUGE asshole. Because you're making people struggle to read a word from a DEAD language on purpose. On fucking PURPOSE! You purposely create the trap of "Oh, what does that mean?" Which then allows you (the asshole in this scenario) the chance to gloat for 10 seconds while you explain the Latin translation of the word from a language you and NO ONE IN THE WORLD even speaks.

- Conscious

What in the fuck? Conscious? I'm getting dizzy.

Anyways, again this chick probably gets a lot of hate mail and stuff and really she's just trying to do what a lot of younger people are doing. Get gratification INSTANTLY. Not a week from now. Not a month from now. Not a year from now. NOW! Fuck school, fuck learning a trade/skill, fuck learning from mistakes, I want to listen to rap music, take pictures of myself and get face tattoos.

I know SDTW is never really serious, but please kids, ask someone to give you a hug or some shit. Don't go all in using your face as some shop's apprentice's permanent sketch pad.

Life is hard, but don't make it even harder by putting some shit on your face.


  1. It says "lame", just like everything trendy these days..
    I'm a year away from 30, maybe I don't "get" it.
    I don't want to anyway...

  2. yeah but...would hit.

  3. I saw a pic of this girl a while back and thought it was an "in memoriam" photo (I assumed she killed herself after seeing her face tats). I used to hate The Hundreds but now I think it's great: anytime I see someone in TH gear I immediately know he/she is a clown. Saves me a lot of time.

  4. young people dont get old so they dont have to worry

  5. Those eyebrows are brutal. Most likely they are applied with a slingshot. She makes Frieda Kahlo look mild in the eyebrow department. I think the tattoos are to take away from those chisel tip skid marks.

  6. that's fucking it, where's hatchet harry and his 18 inch black dildo when you need him?

  7. haha this makes me happy. keep up the good work

  8. Funny thing is 60 years from now young, "cool", intellectuals will have face tattoos. guaranteed. cycle of cool, son

  9. There's a generation of idiots and sheep behind us

  10. Having a face tattoo that reads "conscious."... she makes the decision to smoke, and drugs. Intoxicate her body with poison. Make the conscious decision to take daily selfies in the mirror, usually with her legs spread open...or some stupid awkward lean shit...with those mind numbing sad the fuck is this bitch inspirational. Im pretty sure she has a son amongst the mix, how is she "consciously" making the right choices with a small human whos future is in her hands. What the fuck is she teaching anyone. That if you are a woman and you get your face tattooed, take photos of yourself looking like a mental case/slut with no morals or respect, post them on instagram...instant internet fame. What. A. Fucking. Joke. She should get another face tatty...It would be so INSPIRING to see another 100 photos of it. And some bullshit meaning behind it. Oh, and she looks like a tranny. Nice eyebrows chick. Ahhhhahahha.

  11. what are these girls going to do when they're done getting naked for the internet? no concept of permanence what so ever.... families dont stay together... their video games and computers and phones and ipods are obsolete after 6 months... always being thrown out to be upgraded... nothing stays.... one day they'll look in the mirror (litterally) and realize some shit is forever...


    peep it

  13. fuck fashion ! there's nothing trendy in tattoo maybe for u ... I hope she has a reason because if it's just fashion then fuck ! but we can't say that for her ... only her knows that !

  14. Who are you all to judge. You only know her name clearly.