Friday, April 29, 2011

Motherfucking Luggage Tags

The streets have spoken.

This is what's hot my dudes.

Motherfuckin luggage tags.


These shits is the new snap backs. Feel me?

Having been involved in "branding" or whatever the fuck you want to call it for near a decade I can only imagine what they are going to come up with next in terms of unnecessary shit.

I am not sure who makes these. Don't care. They aren't the first to make the fucking things obviously, but who in the fuck raised their little limp wristed hand in the meeting and offered this idea up?

If I was in said meeting I would have instantly socked dude in the arm twice and said "Two for being a complete fuck face."

Then I would have made him go get me a Jamba Juice and when he brought back I would have poured it on the ground and told him to pick that shit up.

*Note I probably would not have that kind of power, but just since we are speaking in hypotheticals I'm a do me (no homes).

Moving on.....

Yeah, leather luggage tags. Cool. Fucking wow. You guys really have an eye for detail. You pretty much were like "Fuck not being able to 100% confirm whether or not a bag is mine at an airport. And double fuck having to do it without being able to involve leather."

They probably look like Theo right now. All upset and giving me that "what gives" fucking body language.

But I be all like

On some Cliff shit just staring at the dumbest motherfucker of all time type shit.

You know how unnecessary these fucking things are?

They are so unecessary that they give them to you for FREE at the airport.

Not like sometimes or on some if you're lucky type shit. The motherfuckers have a god damn punch bowl of them shits sitting right there.

You could grab a whole fucking handful and not one person would even blink.

But no. You motherfuckers had to be different. You had to get your urban craftsmanship on and try and think of a way to make some shit that makes you feel 48 years old when you buy it, but can also be sold to some Americana tumblr asshole that needs one more worthless nothing to add to his collection of trinkets i.e gourmet candles, Supreme incense holder, monocle holster, pocket watch, all over print silk handkerchief, Navajo made key lanyard, and whatever wild idiotic shit you can concoct.

Happy Friday everyone I'm out.

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