Thursday, September 15, 2011
Swing And A Miss
One of the gods (B.Powders hisself) sent me a link to this site that sells painted axes for 3 gillion dollars. If that isn't considered having someone financially piss in your face I don't know what is.
If you were to ask me if I was mad as in "U Mad?" I would have to say yes. This makes me mad. The fuck kind of bullshit world are we living in? How and why is this allowed? Who in the fuck, and I mean in the fuck wholeheartedly is dropping duckets on limited edition axes?
TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY FIVE DOLLARS FOR AN AXE?
The shit is $26.95 at Home depot and negative free ninety nine if you have a Dad with a decent tool shed.
You might not be able to tell unless you click on the picture, but they carved the word "compassion" on this one. What kind of kush are you guys smoking? You know what that word means right? Compassion? Unless someone uses that shit to chop down a door of a burning orphanage of chinese down sydrome kids or some shit I can't possibly imagine how the word compassion can ever be used symbolically with an axe.
This is how I feel.
Of course it didn't stop there....
No no my friends they also got you covered for all your flag box needs. For $1,900 you can get a wood box with 26 wood flags in it. Just in case you need that shit. Just in case you need WOOD FLAGS? Who in the wild fuck needs wood flags homie? Who? Motherfucker explain this shit pleaaaaassssseeeee. When has anyone ever requested such an item? Not ever in ever times infinity that's when.
The people are out there starving and broke and we got people trying to slang WOOD FLAGS. How in the fuck does this company even sleep at night? 10 OC's and shot of bourbon?
Oh my bad. I wasn't supposed to show you these. They haven't dropped yet. Oh what are they? They're nothin really dude, just some $180 pair of scissors made out of dragon's dick or some shit.
And in case you need a limited edition map...wait what? No that can't be right. Ain't no one in their right mind selling limited edition maps. Oh that's right. You motherfuckers are out of your mother fucking granola minds with this shit. Maps? Fucking maps? What kind of map do I get for $180 bucks? Does the shit tell you where to find Solomon's Mines? Can't it only be read in moonlight in the enchanted forest with the other half of the amulet?
I want whoever is responsible for this to line up so that I can personally kick each and everyone of you pretentious modern craftsmen asshole wannabes in either your dick or vagina. You will have to of course remove your wool long johns as I feel that might provide too much cushioning against my kick.
The best part is they are based in Manhattan. The fucking motherland of all outdoor activity. Of course they are. Where else would a limited edition axe and map selling boutique be located? Don't mind the looks you'll get when you walk through Soho with your candy painted axe. No one's gonna trip dawg.
No press is bad press: