Wednesday, December 7, 2011

SDTW Shurt Feelings #3

If I was smart and less apathetic I could make this feature into its own blog then turn said blog into a book deal. Then I would sell "ad space" in the form of the shirts by the brands I made fun on some subversive marketing shit.

After that I would take all that guap and transform myself into a pretty decent little coked up name dropper that would frequent parties in both LA and NY and try to explain to my friends that Pharrell is actually really cool in real life. I mean seriously, dude is hella down to earth.

BUT....

Instead, SDTW will remain semi-unknown and a blogspot and only appreciated by a few thousand stoners and the occasional wigger.

I digress...


Back to the fucking game.

Pick a shirt and say some shit about why it gives me a headache.


You might think that only white people are going to where a shirt so turrrible, but hold that thought cause mad Donald Glover slash Nick Cannon bruhs out there will cop this shit just to confuse naive whites into thinking they are trying to be ironic with the soft tee, but with a possible criminal background history. In other words this is a shirt you would see on an audience member in a Chappelle Show re-rerun at 3 a.m.


Nothing says o.g triple o.g like a faux-distressed vintage soft hand discharge water based soy ink Public Enemy tee shirt. Public Enemy is not some timeless band that your parents played in car rides to soccer practice. P.E was a group that you would only discover from someone's older brother (not mine, my brother fucked with U2, daily). Also at $35 dollars the only power you're gonna be fighting is the utilities company when you can't pay your studio apt electricity bill because you spent almost 50 bucks to try and look like you're older than 23.


When did they have the contest for worst thing ever? If they wanted me to know about said contest they should have bought ad space on Huffington Post. You might be like "Man, why you making fun of a little kindygardeners (that's how you spell it) drawing, dawg?"

Well, first off I'm jealous of you because you don't have the displeasure of knowing who the fuck Basquiat was and secondly, this was done by an adult and shown to people high on cocaine and AIDS in the 80's and now every time some asshole wants to sound like they know some "art shit" they bring up this dude's name.


Being good at keg stands is like being good at the yo-yo. Also, it turns out that this "beer" that all the college kids are so infatuated with is readily available at this store called THEWHOLEFUCKINGWORLD. You wanna impress me? Go to Ethiopia and be a cab driver and show those mother fuckers how we drive. J/K shout out to all my non-existent Ethiopian readers imagining what the internet is.


For people too cheap to find an ironic holiday sweater, but want to pay $35 to go to an ironic sweater party? That scenario is 100% impossible to even understand. It's like DMX not on drugs. I looked to see if there was a size option that said "false" cause this shit can't be real.


Give this to someone you hate.

8 comments:

  1. Fuck yeah. Keep bringing it...

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  2. this shit is sharp, like cheddar

    ....hold that thought, i gotta go make a tee.

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  3. http://dl.dropbox.com/u/28616976/Legit%20little%20Bra.jpg

    That little dude at the back in a Public Enemy t-shirt is me, age 8 prolly round about 1989.

    *slow clap*

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  4. keep these coming

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  5. YES YES YES YES YES

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  6. someone make a sick brostep t shirt for the bros.

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  7. hahaaha, nice. You forgot designer "be green" shirts and Johnny Cash shirts available at Walmart.

    20 years ago novelty shirts were tight though, like Big Johnson shirts, Tommy Pullmyfinger shirts, pretty much anything available at Spencer's or Gadzooks. But the game done changed or maybe I grew up. Either way now these types of shirts you described are worn by people named Peter, Tanner, and Hunter on their be funny at school days supplemented with some Sperry boat shoes.

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  8. My parents listen to Public Enemy, but my parents are both black and from the hood.

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