You Ungrateful Motherfuckers

You have the gall to say "where's the classic shit? where's the rants? you's a tumblr."

Congratulations. You have awoken the wizard and the wizard is pissed.

Allow me to explain some things to you shitty little ingrates.

You don't tell me what the fuck to put on here unless I ask you.

This is my blog, not fucking Egypt (props to Egypt btw)

You wanna know why I ain't ranting lately (even though this is clearly becoming a rant)? Bcuz when I drop vernacular excellence on your oculars all I get in return is a big fat bag of assholes.

The shit gets boring. That's why I have "retired" twice. I get fucking bored. Most of the time I feel that I am just talking to myself. Now, I'm not saying I need a fucking a hug or something, but it helps to know that if I go riffing on something that 1.) someone else agrees with said riff and 2.) it was deemed funny or gets re blogged somewhere thus helping to further my inadvertent agenda of eliminating lame shit.

Why?

Because otherwise I feel like I am writing this worthless dribble to my fucking self.

And guess what? A lot of the shit I say gets dude's purginas all hurt. Real talk. Like, why do I have to be the dude to say some shit all the fucking time?

Even the trolls at least say SOMETHING. Granted it is in the tongue of Faggodian, but shit at least they're trying nah mean?

Where's your rants? Why don't you piss excellence? Oh that's right. You can't. This shit is like left arm strength to me.

I don't know man. The longer I do this shit the more philosophical I get. Sometimes I actually don't like to put shit out there because it just doesn't make me feel good. Sometimes I want to turn that part of my brain off.

But since I'm feeling nice I'll throw you cunts a bone.

I have been kind of "irked" by these 20 something cool hunter dudes tumblrs that seem to be everywhere.

Ease the fuck back homie.

We get it dude.

Where does it say that if you put up a bunch of shit you "like" that you're now some sort of genie of coolness that grants yourself the ability to have some sort of expertise in anything?

Buying and wearing clothes does not make you a fucking expert on anything. I repeat ANYTHING. As does liking certain bands, artists, sub-cultures, genres, skateboarding, the list goes on.

To be a part of something you have to contribute. Everyone starts from the beginning and talent is not always equally distributed, but come the fuck on with this

Supreme, picture of some hood shit, random graffiti, tattoo something, picture of a bitch you will never even finger, fancy luggage, sunglasses indoors, high priced recession clothes wearing bull shit and just be your fucking self dudes.

Do you know how much harder it is to offer your actual OPINION on things that you like/hate than to hide behind a bunch of bullshit that other people did or made?

I mean sure not everyone's opinion needs to be broadcast, but it sure as fuck speaks volumes about them putting themselves out there in the public forum than say posting a picture of $300 backpack and saying you listen Dipset. You know what? EVERYONE has listened to Dipset at some point. It is not some unique thing that you and a select few are "all about".

And believe me. I was not and am not that fucking cool. Trust.

And this is my point right here.

There is a bagillion things I have done that make me shake my head at myself. When I was like 11 years old I went to the swap meet and bought a black snap back then went home and took some of my Mom's puffy paint and made my own custom Malcolm X joint probably cuz I saw Shawn Wayans a.k.a DJ SW1 rocking one at the end of a In Living Color episode. Believe me.

God forbid somebody digs deep on yours truly and outs me as some regular ass kid who grew up in the surburbs rocking a step cut. Oh wait. That is how I grew up. Like anyone gives a shit and no one gives a shit about this faux "culture" blog curating bullshit by dudes who think that they have some infallible ability to select ALL things cool.

Everyone that is trying to look like a young Ernest Hemingway now was dipped head to toe in streetwear, and a few years before that they were rocking LRG or skate clothes and before that probably JNCOS and before that some other shit. And you may really be into Black Flag now but, chances are you owned a Sublime cd too Brandon, and yes, Brandon I wrote that specifically for your little mark ass.

Anyways, there.... I ranted on some shit. You fuckers happy?

Now tomorrow when I feel like posting a picture of cat making a face or whatever the fuck else I feel like you can just shut the fuck up and go on with your little uneventful lives. I have scooped up dog shit more interesting than 90% of the bullshit you fuckers send to my email.

Like "Yo bro, love the blog, here's this b-more dubstep mix I made on Step Aunt's laptop last week. Here's my twitter if you want to link people to it or whatevs."

Thanks DJ Kill Urself. Sincerely.

And even though I hate saying this.....

If you feel that you were the "victim" of this rant please feel free to write to the following address:

Department Of Someone Who Gives A Shit
P.O Box 100
Gofuckurself, WA, 92121-1029