Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Consider this post like a fucking b-side. It is half baked and I didn't finish it because I just really don't care.
SDTW Presents: How To Bone Chicks
I may be digging myself in a hole by taking on this topic, but then again if you're truly getting your advice for "life" from the internet you obviously have much larger problems to deal with.
Now if I use a stereotype or generalization in the following guide do not get your American Apparel's in a bunch. Stereotypes are not racist or sexist they are simply just ways of generalizing large groups of certain people/genders etc with certain traits or actions. I really loathe having to preface shit like this, but since most of you are fucking retarded and refuse to pick up a book you really leave me no choice.
On to the guide....
Here is a very simple cheat sheet to women that I have created based off boning a ton of chicks.
- 99% of all chicks are insecure about their looks, even the hot ones
- Being asshole is probably the single most desirable trait to chicks
- Never express your feelings to a chick before having sex (EVER)
- Do not pay for anything on a date or during initial courtship
- Not every chick you come across during your day wants to fuck you (you may think that, but you are very wrong)
- Do not try to bone chicks with boyfriends/husbands
- Fat or ugly chicks do not count keep those fake victories to yourself
Those are the basics. Not all ring true for every situation, but all of them are pretty damn universal.
As Dave Chappelle said "Chivalry is dead and women killed it."
I remember hearing that nearly a decade ago and wondered what he meant by it. Women killed the game by giving up pussy to dudes that treated them like shit. Nice or solid dudes fell to the way side because the only dudes that were steadying getting laid were the biggest assholes. You will first encounter this concept in your high school, college, or local bar scene, etc.
For example: In my high school all the dudes that had hot girlfriends all had lifted trucks, went to desert, and listened to Pennywise. These were things I did not partake in. I was the skater/drop acid during P.E kind of dude.
I did fine and did manage to obtain a hot girlfriend, but I was one of the lucky ones. Even at the young age of 16 I was clearly able to see how fucking stupid chicks were when it came to picking dudes. Needless to say this "fact" has not changed nor will it ever change since it is a subconscious "instinct" encoded deep into most chick's brains.
I will now explain some of these "rules" in further detail.
Rule 1: 99% of chicks are insecure
One of the most buster/mark ass things you can do is to tell a girl or her friend that you think said chick is good looking. You are in fact doing the next asshole that talks to her a favor because she is going to give that dude the nappy dug out and you are gonna get a certificate for "excellence in friendship".
Have fun jacking off with that on your wall.
By complimenting her in such an obvious and unoriginal way you are admitting you at the very least think she is attractive. This is not a bad thing once you are in a relationship, but if you haven't even kissed her you may as well move on because stroking her ego is only going to juice her up to go hunt down some asshole at a bar and you're most likely going to get the following phone call "Hey (whatever ur simp ass name is) I was wondering if you were free Saturday to help me move?" While you are helping home girl move into her new apartment other dude is straight sexting baby all day and he NOT YOU will be getting into the promised land.
Moral of this rule:
Never compliment her looks until after sex.
Rule 2: Being asshole is probably the single most desirable trait to chicks
I hate that this one is true. You all may think I'm a huge prick, but that is just because you are too incompetent to understand that a lot of this shit I write on here is satire. You will need to google "satire" because you are probably having a Corky moment reading a word that you do not understand.
Being an asshole does not mean that you are mean, torture cuddly animals, or push over people in wheelchairs. When I say asshole I mean that you probably don't exhibit any apathy towards a good looking woman and probably don't own a chain wallet or Tap Out shirt. Basically you need to not give off any sort of signals that lets chicks know you like them.
Don't ask them if they have a boyfriend. Dur. You don't care about that shit. Don't ask them what they are doing tonight. Again, you don't care about that shit. If she asks you what you're doing tonight, you lie. That is what an asshole does. He lies and says he is going out with some friends or some chick (don't give a name) and might go to a bar (do not name the bar either you dumb fuck). Why does this work? Because she thinks you do not CARE about her, her life, her interests, and you are sort of bothered by her questions.
This act is much easier said than done, but if you are reading this and taking notes then your game is probably pretty weak anyways so just try to be conscious of what your actions and words actually mean to chicks and you will start to learn what I mean.
Moral of this rule:
If you truly come off like you do not fucking care one bit about her, her looks, her life then she will not stop trying to get your attention until you acknowledge her existence. She will do this by hooking up with you.
Rule 5: Do not pay for anything on a date or during courtship
This one is really a gift from me because it took me a while to learn it and I get mad for not having learned it earlier in life.
That is where the post ended. See it wasn't all that great. I had intended to go on and on. I had like 3 paragraphs worth of material just on how easy it is to bone Asian chicks and other really politically correct subjects. For every one good post I write there probably 5 duds like this one that you never see.
Back to the internets....
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
How can I not endorse this kid?
Baby Zeus has listened to more dancehall than 90% of you by and he still doesn't move anywhere near as wicked as this little chubster.
I can dance like that obviously, but Baby Zeus needs to get his "bogle" and "daggering" on soon or else it's gonna be a long childhood.
When I got this tape I didn't know about Mister Cee and Ron. G or any of that. I lived quite possibly the furthest away possible geographically from NY one could in the States. I did have this tape and it blew me away at the time that Flex would just mix dudes over different instrumentals and remix shit live and all that. He even put some ragga jams on these.
Listening to it now I would say that dude really went in considering this shit was on RCA. At any rate there is so major nostalgia factor tracks on here and some "oh shit moments" to boot.
Flex STILL makes money yelling over dudes on the radio and he still probably has a shit ton of Lugz money too. Imagine explaining that to your kids.
Kid: "Daddy, how do you make money to buy us a house and all these toys?"
Flex:"You know all those ugly ass shoes in Daddy's closet?"
Flex:"Back a long time ago Daddy used to get paid to promote the ugliest shoes ever made. They were like your Crocs sweety, but for black people and misguided white kids in trailer parks."
Hate if you will, but dude could make a fucking mix tape with the best of them in his prime and he is still paid.
Get em' Flex.
Tell me this is photoshopped?
Tell me this is just some brilliant joke by a pretty decent designer that took one of those celebrity pencil drawings of that dude from Counting Crows and just made it look like a tattoo.
Tell me for the love of God that is the case and that a human being does not exist that thought that this was a good idea.
Not sure if I have ever mentioned this, but I rate the dude from Counting Crows as one of the lamest mother fuckers of all time. I would rather kick it with Hitler than that dude.
And yes, I see the plugs, and the hemp choker and the straight edge, but one thing at a time boys. One thing at a time.
Pretty damn good.
I mean what track would really live up to the expectations?
Even Jones sounds good, but still ain't holding up next to Killa with this one.
"I need your atm ma, ass to mouth."
Summer is here.
Friday, June 25, 2010
There is nothing "gangster" about this. This is clearly some sort of gay slang that I am just not up on.
The only person who should wear this shirt is Plaxico Burress. End of story.
Oh word? Why do get the sinking feeling that the only thing you are gggggrrrrinding on is Top Ramen then?
The Game wore this shirt. So.....yeah that is all I can say about this one.
Why is it that dudes that wear shirts like this are always sitting next to old ladies on the bus?
Dawg, you forgot the "Not From..." above the Compton font.
Who fuck is still using Triple Beams? If you don't got a digital scale then you are not dreaming big enough my naive little friend.
The single worst idea ever printed.
Staff: "President Wayne, what do you suggest we do about the economy?"
Wrong. A bunch of wild'n out dudes wearing "RIP Lil' Ray Ray" t shirts live in The South and spend their money like drunk 12 year olds.
You can buy all of these shirts Mix Unit Dot Com
I used to fucks with Keith Murray hard back in the day.
I would steam up the bathroom with the shower to hide the doja smell and then I would come out "irie" and put Keith Murray on before going to school. I did that little routine all sophomore year. My first sophomore year that is. All my .9 GPA homies stand up!
B-Boys for life.
Taught Baby Zeus to swim with his water wings or in other words Dad = 1 Water = 0
Helped out this guy with the new Home store installation
Only Rusto has the gusto.
Dear Son, If you think turning 4 years old sucks just wait for 30. Game over. Now stop crying and eat your fucking cupcake.
Apple is kind of pissing me off right now. I prefer Mac for nearly everything computer wise, but I don't give a flying fuck about the iPhone, Steve Jobs, iPad, and the iAnus.
How about you guys make the iPowercord that doesn't fucking break down every 6 months?
Is that in the works yet?
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I was very critical of Twitter and now I'm a total hypocrite because I have one for the blog. Well, at least I can admit when I'm wrong.
So for those of you who want to follow my thoughts and all my goings on just go head and click below and add me.
I love my home town. I enjoy how it is the best example of a Latino/Caucasian/Asian melting pot. Is there d-bags and fucktards in SD? Oh heeps of them, but all in all it is a very cool place to grow up.
That being said the reason why San Diego will NEVER and I do mean NEVER become a major metropolis is because the place is basically like the Gestapo on the arts and music culture. You can paint a Chicano heritage mural all the live long day nearly anywhere in the city, but try and get an installation by Barry McGee and friends and the city turns into Mobile, Alabama circa 1965.
Do I give a shit whether they like Twist and his work? No, not really. But, I do think it is lame that SD will never "get it" when it comes to art and music. That is why everyone with a shred of talent flees to NY or LA and it is also why anyone worth mentioning never ever reps San Diego. A vicious cycle.
"That's why n*ggas think everyone from San Diego is a grandma or a surfer."
Yeah, so if you want to have a Ben Harper slash Microbrew Festival in the city = no problem.
If you want to have a legitimate art show or a decent movie premiere or rowdy concert or some shit = not gonna happen.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Taking a shot at BP is like taking a shot at the stripper with the c-section scar.
You are gonna hit the bulls eye no matter how bad you're aiming.
I don't care for politics, but I do care about a bunch of people going broke because of oil's greed. It seems that this did not have to happen and they could have prevented what was a completely avoidable conflagration <---- workin' in those S.A.T words
How do we fix it?
Fuck if I know, dude.
Shit just sucks.
All my Gulf Coast peoples hold your head up.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
In the early 90's as a white kid our parents thought:
Dressing like a rapper was = bad
Wearing gear with Looney Tunes dressed like rappers was = better?
The fuck kind of logic was that?
I remember going to my cousin's house in Phoenix and all their friends were wearing this shit and even then I was like "Nah, I'm good dude." Basically I knew that anything 'Zonies were up on had to be some mark shit.
Don't give me too much cred I was probably rocking a chain wallet or a shark tooth necklace at the time.
Ghost can rap.
He can not think up good album covers though.
It's fine. I'd rather it be that way. I'm just saying don't let the motherfucker art direct anything.
This and 3 other joints didn't make the final cut because of sample clearance issues. You can find them shits easy and I even posted them way back when.
Get it gods:
Bullet Proof Pillows and Teflon Pajama Sets
This has got to be one of the worst feelings in the world.
You are already at rock bottom because you huff paint, but to get arrested and have your picture taken looking like you gave Robocop a blowjob (to quote Kenny Powers) is just the lowest of the low.
Imagine going into the drunk tank on Friday and having that shit all over your face. Everyone pointing, laughing, and shit. Nobody even ask you "What you in for blood?" cuz they already know.
Love how this dude is trying to look stoic and shit. Dawg, you got silver paint all over your fucking face. You can't poker face your way out of it. Play the crazy card so no one fucks with you until your hearing blood.
It's fun as a mu'fucka to say WAKA FLOCKA.
I catch myself saying it all the time.
WAKA FLOCKA WAKA FLOCKA WAKA FLOCKA!!!
I ain't fucked wit' Waka too much, but this song has summer internet thug written all over it.
Via Nah Right
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
So I just found out about this underground band called Metallica.
Fuck You Lars U Mad?
This image has been on here before, but as far as I'm concerned this is one of the most brilliant pieces of graphic design ever conceived.